Exercise Infomercials

My name is Renee Ryan and I am an infomercial junkie. There, I said it. But don’t get me wrong. I’m not hooked on all infomercials. That would just be silly. I’m only a sucker for the exercise infomercials. And I have a large collection of equipment and DVDs to prove it. I even use most of the programs and equipment that I purchase. No, really. I do.

I consider Billy Blanks a personal friend. I know the girls from the Firm by their first names. I’ve trained with famous faces from Dancing with the Stars. I own every size dumbbell, mat and band imaginable. I have three sets of steps for step-aerobics. Best of all, I own the cute outfits that go along with all of the above.

Okay, so not all of my purchases have resulted in weight-loss success. In fact, many of the so-called claims to instant skinniness were downright lies. So after years of hits and misses, I consider myself an expert on what will and what won’t work. In other words, I’m jaded.

Which is why I got the shock of my life with my most recent purchase. There I was, channel surfacing on Saturday morning when I came across Mitch Gaylord and his glorious, gold-medal, Olympic-gymnast self. The man hasn’t aged since he earned that perfect ten all those years ago. He claimed his great physique was due to his revolutionary new fitness workout: Gold Medal Fitness. For the low cost of three easy payments of nineteen dollars each (or something like that) I could get into Gold Medal shape as well.

Right, heard that before.

But wait, there was more (you knew that was coming). As the half hour continued to tick away, Mitch slashed the price down to a mere fourteen dollars plus shipping. If I called right then, I could be a member of his elite GMF team.

I was skeptical, but I signed up anyway. Two weeks later, the package arrived. Still feeling more than a little cynical, I unwrapped the G-ball (GMFs secret weapon) and got straight to work. Here’s when the shock came. I made it through ten minutes before I was sucking air like an out-of-shape eighty-year-old woman who’d spent her life eating bon-bons. And I was doing the bronze-medal variations. Long story short, I will not be defeated by a fitness program. I plan to keep at it until I am in Gold-medal shape! Or pass-out trying. Thanks, Mitch. I owe you for actually creating an exercise regime that brought this skeptic to her knees (literally).

What about you? Anyone have an exercises testimonial you want to share?